by Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT
A difficult but honest reality is that the majority of couples I work with have infidelity or betrayal as part of their story.
Some of these couples will end their marriage; the pain of working through the betrayal, re-establishing a connection, and managing the fear of trust is often too much for many relationships to sustain.
Yet, the couples that pull through, and there are many, keep me passionate about what I do. They keep me motivated to keep learning and growing and offering the best possible resources.
So, what exactly are those resources? Many couples ask me what they are supposed to do when they come to therapy. They are truly looking for direction. Often a rupture in the relationship can feel pressing – solutions are needed immediately.
But any well-trained therapist knows that offering solutions is not the point of therapy or even good therapy. Therapy is meant to provide a holding place that’s secure and stable to unpack, explore, and invite clients to consider where to go from here and what exactly happened.
So what do you do about the long nights and exhausting days where the marriage feels like it’s on thin ice? Many of my clients say: “What do we do for the next week?” “Is he supposed to delete Facebook?” “Should she stop going to the gym now?” “Do we talk about it?” “Do we keep having sex?” “How long will this take?” “Should we temporarily separate?” “Should we sleep in the same bed?”
Clear steps that help them feel secure while in this holding space. Many of my couples are not emotionally prepared or comfortable enough with themselves to begin sitting with feelings or exploring their role in the relationship breakdown. These things are so necessary for healing but in the meantime, while we get there, perhaps there’s something that could guide us.
Something that’s practical and clear. Something that provides a clear resource for the tough moments and long nights. Something that sustains until the next session. Something to refer to when all those questions come bubbling up and the shame and emotional hurt feels unbearable. Something that foreshadows the pain yet beauty to come. Something that helps heal the hurt.
If that sounds like something you might benefit from, or if that sounds like something your close friend, sibling, child, or colleagues might benefit from, then I invite you to purchase my guide.
My guide is not a substitute for therapy or introspection. My guide is not a full-proof solution. My guide lists “eight easy steps” and in reality – the steps are easy but the deep rooted work is not.
I know you’re hurting. I know you cannot fathom healing. I know you are so so angry. I know you feel embarrassed and confused. I know you can’t hold on. And, I know you can’t let go.
You are not alone. I have walked through betrayal with countless couples and I have watched many heal. Join in and give your relationship a fighting chance through Healing the Hurt: Navigating Infidelity in Eight Easy Steps. See more about the e-book below or click on the Healing the Hurt title/link to purchase your copy, today!
Interested in purchasing this guide? Here’s what it includes:
A love letter from yours truly, because I know you deserve a fighting chance
An intimate story of a couple that healed,
Eight clear, practical steps to healing your bond after betrayal,
Quotes to inspire and empower reflection and hope
Worksheets to guide self-reflection and curiosity