by Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT

The next installment in our Enneagram Summer Connect Series is live! HELLOOOOO Type Nine – we see you and adore you!

We wanted to use this Summer of social distancing to our advantage and give ya’ll virtual connection with all Nine types on the Enneagram.

Each week Amanda & Dylan will be hosting a panel for the Enneagram types, last week was Type 8 and THIS WEEK is Type 9 (PS – if you cannot attend the panel live, you can still register and watch the webinar later on your own time)! You can register to watch the panel here – sign up for one or for all nine! 

This style of learning and exploring the Enneagram is bound to give you new insights, new context to the nine types, and new pathways for growth from Type Structure to True Self! 

So, in that spirit – in honor of the start of our panel series we’ll be sharing some thoughts from YOU.

We’ve compiled reflections from all over to shed some light on our dear friends, Type Nine. Particularly, what’s it like being married to a Type Nine and what it’s like being a Type Nine Mama!

Oh those Nines – calm, collected, peaceful, empathic, supportive, curious, humble. Ever wonder how they size up in the loveeeee department? 

HERE’S WHAT OUR DEAR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND WELLNESS & CO. COMMUNITY SAID ABOUT BEING PARTNERED WITH TYPE NINE!

• Being romantically partnered to a 9 is the most wonderful thing, because as a peacemaker they: keep no records of wrongs, therefore conflicts are rare and wrongdoings not rehashed; intimately they are very open and caring; there is an overall sense of peacefulness in the home at all times.
• Sometimes it’s frustrating because he seems to legitimately not have an opinion. Sometime’s thats great because it means I get my way all the time (lol) but sometimes I get tired of making all the decision and I just want him to PICK AN OPTION ALREADY.
• My spouse is literally the most calming and supportive person in my life. He believes in me way more than I believe in myself and he always knows how to make me feel better.
• My Nine is caring and comforting yet stable and confident.
• My Nine’s personal goal, which also translates into our marriage, is to make sure other people are happy and heard yet he has a strong desire to feel comfortable. This can lead to him being a source of peace for many but it can also create tension within himself in times when it appears he values his own needs over the needs of other.
• My partner has a stronger work drive than most 9’s I have known but I believe this is, deep down, to take care of himself / me in the future. That is why now he desires to be excellent in school and in his work. He talks about retiring almost everyday lol.
• In conflict, he can be incredibly stubborn but often defaults to apathy to avoid his feelings. He can sometimes perceive me as too practical whereas I sometimes perceive him as not engaged.
• I couldn’t imagine a better partner for me. He pushes me to be better in the more gentle and loving ways.
• His gentle spirit is beautiful and has created for me a place I can expose my vulnerability, something I deeply struggle to do.
• My spouse lets me lead when he can sense that I feel connected to whatever I am working on yet he is my favorite person to work together with on basically anything which has stretched me so much to recognize that control is not always the best or even most effective way to finish a task.
• In our marriage, we both think with our guts, so we are definitely not a very emotional pair, but I believe we are more connected because of it. Together, we bring to the table rootedness and practicality.

Thank you to everyone who shared what it is like being partnered with a Type 9! Your words and insights are helping us continue to honor and understand the strengths and challenges of partnerships with the Enneagram Type Nine!

Last but not least, Nines truly are incredible mothers. They are naturally gifted in compassion, gentleness, and kindness. They are available and responsive but can also at times be more passionate about peace than dealing with the tough stuff.

WANNA KNOW MORE? HERE’S WHAT OUR TYPE NINE MAMAS SHARED ABOUT THEIR MOTHERHOOD EXPERIENCE! 

• For me, I feel because the nine is always trying to strive for a peaceful environment this helps to cultivate the presence of stability, compassion and creates a space where love is freely expressed so that a child really feels that they matter and are cared for.
• Nine moms can really worry a lot about our kids and are not the best at teaching independence or letting go.
• I can only speak to being a mother of a fetus 😊 I have found that my mood has been so stable, almost TOO stable, and it makes me wonder if I’m just trying to “hold it all together”. It seems very easy for me to not be in touch with difficult emotions (especially anger). Almost as if i already want to be this “perfect emotionally stable mother” or something. I have also been trying to check off every little thing on my to do list, like maybe I’m trying to keep my environment calm and stable because so much will be out of my control soon.

Curious to know what it’s like being a Type 9? Tune in tomorrow, July 14th at 6pm when we explore the life and experiences of four Type Nines!

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Kendra O'Hora( PhD, LCMFT )

Dr. K started Wellness & Co. with the desire to provide top-notch therapy to our local community. Now, Wellness & Co., has therapists, coaches, tutors, and professional organizers – all to provide wrap-around, boutique style care to our clients. Dr. K specializes in couples therapy, healing from infidelity, and supporting individuals through relational transitions.