by Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT

We are lovvinnnn’ doing these panels! They’ve been so informative, fun, and exploratory. I’m super pumped to hear more from the Enneagram Type One’s because some of my closest family members and friends are a Type One!

If you’re just tuning in, here’s the scoop:

Each week Amanda & Dylan will be hosting a panel for the Enneagram types, last week was Type 9 and THIS WEEK is Type 1 (PS – if you cannot attend the panel live, you can still register and watch the webinar later on your own time)! You can register to watch the panel here – sign up for one or for all nine! 

This style of learning and exploring the Enneagram is bound to give you new insights, new context to the nine types, and new pathways for growth from Type Structure to True Self! 

So, in that spirit – in honor of our panel series we’ll be sharing some thoughts from YOU.

We’ve compiled reflections from all over to shed some light on our dear friends, Type One. Particularly, what’s it like being married to a Type One and what it’s like being a Type One Mama!

Oh those Ones – practical, direct, effective, ethical, critical, and witty! Ever wonder how they size up in the loveeeee department? 

HERE’S WHAT OUR DEAR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND WELLNESS & CO. COMMUNITY SAID ABOUT BEING PARTNERED WITH TYPE ONE!

• I have realized being married to a type one can feel like nothing is ever good enough. Whether it’s the cleanliness of the kitchen, the budget, etc. Sometimes this gets targeted at me, as the spouse, and it’s easy for me to harbor bitterness and confusion of what I’m doing wrong.
• One of the most helpful things I’ve come to realize is while Ones do have extremely high expectations and standards for the people and world around them, they also have these impossible standards for themselves and are constantly battling that “inner critic”. This has given me insight and EMPATHY for my husband, knowing he’s has these expectations and is extremely hard on himself. It helps me know when to try and tap into his inner thought life and encourage him to be gracious with himself.
• These people tend to pursue what is right and hold high standards. Being married to a type one has its benefits as well as its challenges. 
• The primary benefit is the admiration I have towards my spouse valuing uprightness in all its respects. We share the same beliefs and values which uprightness compliments very well. My spouse holds us both accountable to our values and beliefs so that we live with less regret over foundational premises that we could have bent, but didn’t due to that accountability.
• Another benefit of living life closely with a type one is the dependability I have. I know that a concern voiced appropriately will be deeply considered and addressed. My spouse is very family-oriented and takes time to be there for each person. When a responsibility falls onto my spouse, I know it will be handled carefully and with utmost care.
• A challenge of type 1 spouses is that the very responsibility they care for so well sometimes does not get done right away. Type one personalities wait until they have thought it through and have the perfect time to get the job done right. This requires patience on my end. While I value getting something done promptly, my spouse would rather wait to get it done properly.
• Another challenge faced by marriage to a type one is the high standard projection to myself. Type ones hold high standards of themselves which includes a great amount of self-criticism. When I see my spouse constantly in this state, I begin to believe my spouse assumes that same standard onto me. This leads to criticizing myself more than I naturally would, and could become unhealthy at times.
• Overall, the benefits far outweigh the challenges of my marriage with a type one. I love who we are together, and welcome the challenges as a way to work towards a sacrificial union under the Lord.
• Our worst fights tend to happen when the theme is me condemning his actions as immoral. Being a good person is very important to him.
• He’s the most loyal, reliable person I’ve ever met. I often rely on him to make a plan and be the responsible one.
• He is a more anxious person than me and sometimes I can’t understand that.
• Sometimes it feels like a heavy burden of ‘be sure you do the right thing’ and ‘think thoroughly before you act’. This perceived pressure sometimes makes me devalue my spontaneity and try to approach the world over-cautiously.
• He balances me out – there’s a quote somewhere in the Jennie Allen ‘Get Out of Your Head’ book about how her husband is the Wise Old Owl to her Tiger – that’s the positive side to how [we] balance each other out.

Thank you to everyone who shared what it is like being partnered with a Type 1! Your words and insights are helping us continue to honor and understand the strengths and challenges of partnerships with the Enneagram Type One!

Last but not least, Ones truly are incredible mothers. They are naturally gifted in intentionality, consistency, and commitment. They are fantastic mothers as they lean into supporting their children and holding them to a high standard. AND, at times that high standard can translate to children fearing disappointing their Type One mama!

WANNA KNOW MORE? HERE’S WHAT OUR TYPE ONE MAMAS SHARED ABOUT THEIR MOTHERHOOD EXPERIENCE! 

• Parenting has been so fun! I love seeing my kids grow and helping them become stronger and healthier every day!
• I often wonder if my children absorb my perfectionism when they are hard on themselves.
• I feel most proud as a Type One mom when my kids are friendly, responsible, and well-behaved.
• I struggle with feeling like my family doesn’t appreciate me. I tend to do a lot and they don’t do as much as I do.
• I’m intense as a parent – we’re always on the go but my kids are up for the ride. As a teacher I really value that they are well prepared education wise. I carve out time for them to read and expand their learning outside of the classroom.
• I care a lot about my family keeping the home clean and respecting the expectations we’ve set in place. My children have chores and boundaries around device time. A lot of my friends do not have these same expectations for their children and it bothers me that they cannot see what’s needed and valuable for young minds.
• At the end of the day I think being a mom expands my rigidity. Kids are unpredictable, they keep me on my toes, which is good for me.

Curious to know what it’s like being a Type 1? Tune in tomorrow, July 21st at 6pm when we explore the life and experiences of three Type Ones!

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Kendra O'Hora( PhD, LCMFT )

Dr. K started Wellness & Co. with the desire to provide top-notch therapy to our local community. Now, Wellness & Co., has therapists, coaches, tutors, and professional organizers – all to provide wrap-around, boutique style care to our clients. Dr. K specializes in couples therapy, healing from infidelity, and supporting individuals through relational transitions.