by Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT
Well that was a doozy.
You know what I’m talking about, right?…quarantine life.
If you were in a state where social distancing or shelter-in-place was enacted then you know the language I’m speaking.
And for many of us, that quarantine life is slowly being phased out in the coming weeks/months.
So, what now? How do we rebound? How do we move forward with confidence and grace, especially romantically speaking.
If you saw my recent post you know I have a crucial question you can ask your partner after quarantine.
I’d like to answer this with some rawness if that’s ok with you. Some lightness, some depth, some kindness, some compassion…
Before we head into the depths of what I’d like to offer every couple that stumbles upon this blog, I’d like to offer something a bit more tangible.
You may have been stuck or confused in this season. You may have been overwhelmed in chaos mode with very little to offer your relationship. You may be tired, angry, confused, or sad. Any and all of that is OK and so so normal.
In some senses I wish I could sit with every single couple in this country after COVID-19 and hear their story, sit with their pain, and love them back to healing. But I can’t do that. All I can do is continue to serve and love on the couples in my office and my community.
I can encourage you to seek help and resources.
I’ve got two ready to go!
Over the last year I’ve put together my greatest resources for couples in several e-guides. And I had no clue that we’d be headed into a pandemic and these resources would be needed now more than ever.
So, if your relationship needs a reboot, needs to fall in love again, or needs to get UNSTUCK, then check out my e-book UNSTUCK.
Curious what Unstuck is all about? Sign up below and you’ll receive my FREE, three-step e-guide and preview to Unstuck!
But I also have an entire e-course dedicated to the couples therapy process that can help you navigate whether couples therapy is a good fit for you.
There’s no need to feel shame or guilt over reaching out for help or seeking a couples boost.
If you’re not sure if couples therapy is right for you, check out my FREE couples therapy decision tree, below!
Or, if your just ready. Ready for growth and ready to learn all about the couples therapy process – then check out my couples therapy e-course
Ok friends, here’s my heart for your relationship. If you know me, you know I love love. Hear me read this with all the care and comfort in the world.
You’ve been through something intense, something unimaginable, something you cannot even fully process at this time.
Healing will be slow and cannot fully happen for years to come.
Healing will be intense with waves of grief, confusion, and fear as a result of something our bodies could not even tangibly reconcile.
Your relationship was formed from love. If you’re like me, you didn’t specifically vow to survive a pandemic together, but you did vow to stay true through anything and everything – that includes COVID-19.
But if you’re like me, and the couples I serve, your bond has been stressed, tried, and exhausted. That’s OK. You are allowed to be broken in your healing. And, you are allowed to be imperfect in your growth.
I see you dear couple. I know the kids have crawled over your body and climbed into your beds in the middle of the night. I know you were supposed to move in together and instead had to spend months apart. I know you were going to get married and this invisible disease took the most special day of your life. I know you had a trip planned, a trip you saved four years for. I know you have worked countless hours, barely making time for yourself, let alone your partner. I know you have gone weeks without sex. I know you have fought, screamed, and cried. I know you have had to change in the garage and sleep in another room. I know you have stayed up in fear all night. I know you haven’t laughed together in awhile.
And at the exact same time, for some of you, I know you’ve spent more time together. I know you’ve cleaned, organized, and worked out together. I know you’ve stayed up later and slept in longer. I know you’ve laughed over silly things and cried in each other’s arms. I know you’ve planned together and prayed together. I know you cooked new meals together and I know you played more games together. I know you held each other tight and I know you felt a deep, renewed love.
Dear Couple, every place you have been is OK. Your bond has been moving rapidly all while staying physically in place. Your relationship may be aching, celebrating, yearning, and exploring.
This season was not meant to be easy. Some didn’t make it and to those we sorrowfully say goodbye.
Your bond did make it. You made it dear couple. Your bond is here, you are here. This new season is not purely light, it will be filled with new fears, new confusions, new darkness. But it is also filled with new hopes, new love, new mornings.
Dear couple, hold each other close. Say I love you. Lean in. Breathe deep.
Hold each other close, say I love you, lean in, breathe deep.
Say it with me: hold each other close, say I love you, lean in, breathe deep.
Now, say it to your person, your best friend, your soul mate.
Hold me close, tell me you love me, lean into me, breathe with me.
Because dear couple, we’re not OK, but we’re all going to be OK.