By Amanda Clegg CLC, M.LNP, Relationship Coach

READING TIME: 7 minutes

You know how much we love the Enneagram here at Wellness & Co., so we sat down with one of our resident Enneagram experts, Amanda, to ask her some q’s that we frequently get

(and are just curious about ourselves too!)

Side note: Did you know that Amanda has actually been on a handful of podcasts chatting all things relationship, Enneagram, and healing? Yep! Check out some her eps here:

Enneagram Coaching with Abbi Rodriguez – Type 4 Growth

If I May Be So Bold – How Enneagram Can Save Your Relationship

The Mysteria Podcast – Mapping The Enneagram

Enneagram Typecast – Type 4 Mini Panel

Ok Amanda, first – for anyone who doesn’t know, what the heck is the Enneagram anyway?

Haha, you know I’ve actually always felt it to be difficult to answer this question in a brief way because it just doesn’t do justice to the depth of its capabilities. BUT, the Enneagram is a system (an extremely powerful system) that identifies 9 distinct types. Each type has an automatic way of thinking, feeling, and acting that stems from a deeper inner motivation or worldview. Basically, it shows us not just WHAT we do, but WHY we do it, annnd, WHAT to do about it. It doesn’t just identify traits or characteristics, it shows us how to heal from them. And that for me is really, really important. It’s never about labeling, it’s about compassionately understanding our patterns and taking the necessary steps forward into our evolution. The diagram itself illustrates how it’s a dynamic system – the types that we are connected to is, in part, how we actually grow within ourselves. We don’t ever become another type and our type doesn’t change, think of it like an upward journey and as we learn about our connection points, we expand!

Very cool! You touched on it a little bit, but we’re interested in learning more about why you love the Enneagram so much?

Boy, how long do we’ve got?! I’ll break it down to both personally and professionally. Personally, it came into my life when I was diving into my inner work journey and was feeling very stuck. The best way to describe it was like I had “all” the awareness but nothing was changing. Felt kinda like driving to a new destination without a map and was caught in a maze – I could see the road but kept hitting dead ends. The Enneagram gave me a map and allowed me to truly get unstuck. At this time I was also exploring my relationship to spirituality. Little did I know that the Enneagram, at the core, is a spiritual process…meaning that in order to grow, we need to access something greater. Now that could be with God, Universe, higher self, whatever language resonates with each individual – but that awareness is what moves us out of type structure (or personality) and into our true self. Professionally, I’ve encountered no other model that has had this sort of impact in my clients lives. It provides a logical approach to emotional healing, and gives them actionable steps to take. It isn’t just about coming in and talking, clients leave with experiential practices that shift them at their core and change the way they move in and see the world. It creates lasting change for them. And I’m all about that!

Wow. That’s remarkable! Now, you work with a lot of couples – how does it support them in their relational healing?

In 90% of my consults (that’s a made up number ha, but in MOST of my consults) with couples I hear about the vicious cycle they’re caught in (awareness but nothing is changing) and that they’re not speaking the same language (almost like one person is speaking French and the other is speaking Spanish). It’s such a frustrating place to be in, to see what’s going on but not know what to about it, and to be speaking clearly but not understanding one another. The Enneagram from the get go gives them more clarity on the cycle with the steps to take and the vernacular to do so. Regardless of what they’re coming in for, it provides them the ability to work through it together – long after I’m gone. It’s a tangible tool that they can carry with them throughout the rest of their lives!

That sounds very empowering! What are the main issues that you’ve seen it work well with?

Oh, so much! I like to describe our type as the lens that we view life through, so everything gets filtered through it. Regardless of what we’re struggling with, when we start to discover ourselves, it gives us the capacity to navigate it. The main areas I work with are conflict, communication, intimacy, infidelity, and addiction. It also blends really well with other models I use, such as IFS (internal family systems), attachment, somatic therapy, Gottman, and EFT (emotion-focused therapy).

Wow, it really does cover all the bases hey? Curious, are there any types that just aren’t compatible?

Haha I get this question so often, usually it’s framed up as “Are we doomed?!”. And the answer is – definitely not. We ALL have our stuff – that’s actually a neat piece about the Enneagram is the common humanity behind it. Each and every one one of us has opportunities for healing. We’re not perfect (not even me, hehe). We all come with our own lil’ quirks and growth edges. I like to say, and I believe, that any couple doing the work can work. If there is a commitment on both sides to workin’ through the tough stuff together, you’re pretty unstoppable! 

That’s a relief! What’s the best way to figure out your type?

Good question! Mistyping is unfortunately SO common in the Enneagram. I was actually mistyped for nearly 4 years because of an online test (long story, I share about it in a couple of the podcast episodes though!). That doesn’t mean that I’m against them, rather, they can be a great starting point to begin the self-discovery process – I’d recommend not taking it at face value and spending intentional time delving into the types offered. I’m definitely an advocate for going through a typing interview with a trained practitioner because we were educated on how to do so with greater accuracy and you get to process alongside someone as you learn about yourself. I actually confirmed my type by taking myself through my own test which is kinda funny. We can relate to all the types on some level, but the Enneagram is all about getting to our core and our underlying motivations. It also requires us to confront ourselves – there’s an ongoing joke in the Enneagram community that you’re the type you least want to be, too. So if you’re reading about the types and see one that makes you go “Ouch!”, that may just be your type. If you don’t know your type and are interested in going through the process, reach out! I’d love to support you. You can also connect with me after you go through an online quiz!

Okok, last question! Well two…what type are YOU and what do you appreciate about your type?

I’m a 4! It took me a minute to not only accept, but love, that I am too. I really appreciate being a heart type. In the Enneagram, 4s are known to have the widest spectrum of emotions and have a knack for going into the depths of them with a ton of empathy. It may sound strange, but I enjoy holding space for the hardest parts of humanity. Of course I never want anyone to experience pain and suffering, but it feels like an honor to be able to so comfortably hold it for others (and myself!).

Thanks so much Amanda for letting us pick your brain and share with our community!

Thank YOU! Grateful to be here.

If you’re interested in taking your healing to the next level with this powerful system, connect with Amanda! Heck, we kinda wanna work with her!