by Dr. Kendra O’Hora, Ph.D., LCMFT
Reading Time: 4 Minutes

“Look at me, I’m UP HERE!”…I hear my middle child call out to me. He and his older brother have made it up this fish-like-structure at Marshy Point Nature Center in Baltimore (feel free to google said fish-structure to get a real visual in your head). The height of the structure is most definitely taller than my 5 foot 6 inch self, by at least two feet, but I’m excited for them. They carefully and purposefully climbed up. And then down. And then up. And down and up and down over and over again. At one point as I’m recording their adventure on my phone I hear my oldest say: “Mom, I was brave.”

TLDR: Skip to the last paragraph for the wild ending!

Nature is most certainly a fantastic teacher. All the outdoor exploring we have done has truly shown me what my children are capable of. In fact, last year I did the 1,000 hours outside challenge and was quite proud of how many hours me and the older two boys clocked in one year – especially given that half the year I was preggo and the other half I had a newborn. 

The ways they flourish, explore, think, and rest outside are remarkable. I’ve seen them conquer many things, not just this fish thing.

In general, I try my *very hardest* not to deter them from what they feel capable of. I ask good questions, I prompt them to check in with their own comfort level, and I help scaffold how to do something they haven’t tried before. I resist the urge to do it for them, even when it’s easier for me, in lieu of them learning and building the skill themselves. And they love it. They love the independence and journey of seeing what they can do. I believe they need to learn to trust themselves and nature provides such fertile ground for this. 

I’ve also learned that nature is a fantastic teacher for me. I’ve learned to embrace stillness, contentment, and non-achieving forms of productivity (like building a teepee for fun)! But for me an even better teacher than nature has been…

motherhood.

Motherhood has taught me to reconnect with my intuition, namely my gut. 

Recently, I was meditating on the concept of ruthless intuition (I think I made it up)! 

Ruthless means having or showing no pity or compassion for others. And intuition means the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

When it comes to motherhood, I seek to have ruthless intuition. In my opinion, the journey to protect my children and serve their needs *has* to come at the cost of others. And yet, it’s not antithetical to my other values of kindness, compassion, or social good. In fact, I believe I am best able to care for the good of others when I am intricately tied to the good of my own. 

I’m not seeking to raise self-centered brats, quite the opposite. 

Of course I can watch your kid while you run and grab the snack out of the car. Of course, I can teach my children to be quick to forgive and work toward relationship repair. Of course I can offer to hold a crying baby when a mom friend needs a break. I don’t have to compromise those things most of the time. In fact, most of the time we *get* to honor, support, and care for others. But when it really counts? When I really need to protect and care for my children, I have to be ruthless. I have to be connected to my inner knowing. This means I have to deeply trust my own inner experience, sometimes without conscious reasoning. 

Our culture hates that. I mean they really, really hate when someone cannot defend their choices with sound reasoning. 

But at this point in my journey I’m not in the business of trying to convince someone what I know in my gut to be beneficial for the children I created, carried in my body, and birthed into the world. Of course I’ll engage in introspection, reflection, and awareness to pivot when necessary but even that is a reflection of intuition, a core uniting to self and my higher values to help determine which next step is the right one. 

Then it happened. I was standing beneath the fishy-structure while baby wearing my eight month old. The older two are up top said fish, climbing and exploring. I’m watching, watching, watching, and then all of the sudden in a matter of seconds (and without thinking) I’m diving to catch my two year old before he smacks the ground. I catch his fall right before he hits hard Earth, kinda squishing my littlest between us but thankfully, we were all OK. It all happened quite fast, I could even hear the stranger behind me apologizing for not seeing it all unfold a split second sooner so I wasn’t having to be the one to dive with a baby strapped to me. I didn’t process her words in the moment. I just acted. Boldly and without reason. 

I’m aiming to be a little more intuitive and a little more ruthless as a mom each day. If you care to join me in this quest let me know and I’ll share more of our adventures on the blog!

Here’s to all the moms who are inspiring and supporting each other in an intuitive motherhood journey!

– Dr. K

Kendra O'Hora( PhD, LCMFT )

Dr. K started Wellness & Co. with the desire to provide top-notch therapy to our local community. Now, Wellness & Co., has therapists, coaches, tutors, and professional organizers – all to provide wrap-around, boutique style care to our clients. Dr. K specializes in couples therapy, healing from infidelity, and supporting individuals through relational transitions.